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The Infidel Brewer

The Infidel Brewer

29/2/2008 - The Infidels Brewers Recipee

 

 

The only secret to make perfect alcohol at home is finding sugar.  No wonder that Saudi has an incredible high sugar consumption. 

Yes I know, Arabs put it also in nearly all their food,  but this still doesn’t explain the Kingdoms exceptional sugar consumption.

 

All materials for alcohol production can be found in your next door Panda store.   (buy Saudi – support the local economy !)

 

One will need :  Sugar, yeast, water and tomato paste. Cheap and abundantly available.

 

Here is how to proceed.

 

Visit your Panda Corner shop, buy a bag of 20kg white sugar, a few packs of tomato paste, some yeast, a 20l water container, a roll of flexible hose and a few tubes of glue.

That’s all you need.

 

Put 12 liter of water in the bottle, add roughly 4kg of sugar with 200 gram of tomato paste. 

Shake vigorously.  Add a pack of yeast. 

 

You will need the Qassim waterbottles since they are the only one to come with a screw cap. 

Cut a hole in the cap, press 1 meter of hose in it and glue it airtight.

Next : screw the cap with hose on the container and put the free end in a bucket of water.  You have just made a perfect bubble lock.

 

During roughly two weeks, the brew will produce lots of CO2 bubbling joyfully from the tube.

 


 

Once the bubbling stops :  millions of friendly bacteria have transformed the sugar into excellent ethyl alcohol.

 

Now its only a matter of separating :  water+yeast+tomatopaste from alcohol.

 

Since we want to keep it simple, we didn’t bother with expensive and hard to find wine yeast that can produce a higher alcohol percentage.  Sugar is cheap, water although more expensive than petrol is still cheap.  That’s why we use normal bakery yeast.  Instead of high quality we go for high quantity and brew a few containers.  Say one a day, during two weeks.

 

Water freezes at 0 degree, alcohol at minus 100 or so.  So we decant the 15 liter container in 4 bottles of 5 liter.  We dump these 5 bottles in our freezer, set at maximum. Say minus 20.

 

After 2 days, yes one needs patience before enjoying a drink at the pool, the bottles are frozen solid and the alcohol is trapped in the ice.  Just open the bottles, place them upside down over a container and wait for two hours.  The alcohol creeps slowly from the ice and is collected in your container.

 


 

You started with 15 liter with low alcohol content and you should have now 5 liter  Its drinkable and it works. But the taste will remind you of foul dog vomit, if at least you once enjoyed this culinary experience in your life. with a reasonable alcohol content.

 

So lets now transform this Siddiqi into tasty alcohol.

 

 

The miracle of Siddiqi turning into wodka.

 

 

In the holy land of miracles, one is not surprised to witness one of the greatest miracles :  Siddiqi turning into crystal clear wodka or sweet Pastis.  Jezus performance of turning perfectly honest and good water into wine, can be outdone without too much effort.

 

Above you could see common sugar being turned by our friendly bacteria into alcohol.  Now comes the real one :  Siddiqi becoming wodka.

 

For this we need to visit Sinnaia or the devils own place :  the industrial area.  South of Riyadh, conveniently located in the stinking smoke of Aramcos refinery, the Saudis have grouped their modern slaves.  Bangladeshi, Indians, Pakistanis, Filipinos :  every nation with an exploding population and decent amount of poverty,  supplies the kingdom with cheap labor and get in return hard cash. Why would anybody in Bangladesh bother about  birth control ?

 

The workers are caged for two years in stinking rooms, 6 or more a room, without women, booze or any form of entertainment.  The first Saudi Movie theater has yet to open.

 

Nobody is surprised to find in these labor camps a number of steam vents.

 

Hashish and Siddiqi are freely available and for a few Riyals one can taste a fine young Filipinos ass.  The situation is not unlike a jail in the US except that the American jails tend to be clean and usually come without overflowing sewage tanks.

 

The industrial area has enough sweat shops repairing 30 year old window units AC into something noisy and dirty that happens to produce also some cold.  Find one of these shops.  Some of them have master welders and all copper pipes needed to make a perfect still.

 

Download a still design from the net, tell the Lebanese shopowner or the Keralite foreman that it’s a water purifier and bargain hard.  Don’t forget to mention your hungry kids in hospital because they drank the foul tap water.  A week later, you can collect your still, dirty but hopefully with nice welds.

 

So now :  you need a boiler.  Again dirt simple.  Drive towards Dammam or Qassim and stop at the first petrol pump annex supermarket on the road.  They have lots of equipment for the Bedus who don’t want to shop far away from their camels.

 

Every shop sells these huge 15 liter jars with lockable waterproof lid.  They are for the Bedus to collect the camel milk.  Unfortunately only available in aluminium, but that will do.  I wish Bedus would get a taste of camel milk collected in stainless steel jars, but hell might freeze before these guys change their mind or habits.

 

Mount the still on the jar, connect cooling water to it, fill the jar with 10 liter of your best Siddiqi and heat up.  One can find excellent thermometers in Sacco to mount on the still.

 


 

 

Your 15 liter of Siddiqi will be turned into 3 liter of superb wodka in a few hours.

 

You can watch as the wodka start dripping out of the still.  O, sweet source of life.  Yes :  Eau de Vie, not the other even sweeter source of life !

 

So, if you have followed this sugar turned into Siddiqi into Wodka : you might wonder why we went through the stage of freezing the whole thing in the fridge.

 

Simple :  Distilling smells !  Saudis will no recognize it,  but Lebanese certainly will.  They grew up between Maronites and Orthodox  who make some of the best Araks in the world.  The arak with a hint of woodsmoke, mellow on the tongue and the palate, only to be find in remote Lebanese villages.

 

Some of these Lebanese might be holier than the pope and consider it as Gods direct instruction to keep the holy land clear of evil. 

 

They speak Arabic and could phone the friendly Mutawas or religious policemen.  These soft spoken gentlemen would not knock on your door, politely inquiring about that strange smell.  No :  they work in a subtle way.  They kick in the door, reduce all furniture to junk, punch you a few times in the face before planting the top of their boots between your third and fourth rib.  If they feel specially happy with their holy duty that day, they might even choose to turn your testicles into two balls of extreme pain. 

 

Anyway :  we should keep the distillation process as short as possible.  Hence the need to reduce the volume of your Siddiqi before distillation.

 




 

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