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The Infidel Brewer

The Infidel Brewer

4/3/2008 - Real Arab Heroes

 

Where can one find  the power of the Arabs ?  Who are their heroes ?  Sahaladin who freed Al Qutz?  Weak, he was a Kurd to start with and his ideals died when the crusaders lost interest in religion and concentrated on other things.  Besides, Salahadin died long ago.  Jamal Abdel Nasr ?  Panarabism is long dead and Masris are more interested in Zamalek and Ahley.

 

The greatest hope for a bright future are the Arab women.  Well educated, openminded with an eye on their past and their heritage.  A clear vision of a better future and a holy fire burning inside them.

 

Three names

 

Wajiha Al-Huweidar (Saudi)

Mousa Al Misnad (Qatar)

Wafi Sultan  (Syria)

 

Three cultures, three backgrounds but exactly the same backbone.  Strong and independent characters with an eye on the reality.  Wallah !    Not afraid of changes, strong believers in a better world.

 

I suggest to send these three women to negotiate a peace deal in the Middle East.

 

True, they would probably drive some Orthodox Jews to suicide and Nasrullah to the nearest pub for a double whiskey.  But hey :  would they stop the nonsense and waste in the region.  In a five year plan they would turn PalestineDisneyland. Each inhabitant fat and tormented with a new problem :  where to park his Mercedes 500SL in a historic city without parking space. in a giant religious

 

For you, infidel from the west, these three women are probably as unknown as Abu Nawas.  If you are not too lazy, google them or try to find them on Youtube.

Its worth it and might change your vision of the Arab world.

 

First there is Wafi Sultan

I love this women.  You will find her on Memritv. Org.  She is la bete noire or the nightmare of  every bearded muttawa who believes to be Allah’s right hand on earth. 

I don’t know if she is atheist or agnostic.  But she is a firm believer in the light of reason.

She has the courage to kick all Islamic dogmatic males in the testicles.  And she does it with sound and rational arguments.

Arabic men :  listen to her.  No, not with two Korans pressed firmly against your ears, but with an open mind. 

 

Then there is Wajiha Al-Huweidar.

Ever heard a Saudi admitting that his father was a laborer ?  Ever seen a Saudi understanding anything about manual labor ?  Oh Yes they love the Ferrari or Mercedes,  but will never understand that people who take pride in their work, have made these cars.  The Japanese honor craftsmen.   Master carpenters, sword makers, instrument makers and so on,  are paid by government to keep their craft alive.  The Arabs ignore them.  Yes, Arabs embrace all new technology religiously.  They are fond of every gimmick that the market feeds them.  But they are unable to recognize craftsmanship.  That is precisely why the whole Arab world doesn’t produce 1 world class product. 

That is also why Saudis import Indians and Bengalis to do all manual jobs.  Saudis hate it.  They want to be managers and are unable to be proud of any manual labor. 

Well, there is an exception.  Wajiha Al Huweidar.  She is proud that her father was a laborer.  She is fighting openly for the women in Saudi but she is also a realist.  Just imagine her years ago, next to the Shah instead of Faradibah.  There would never have been a Savac and people would never have heard about Khomeiny (except a few French onion sellers who had the dubious privilege of having a bearded idiot exiled in their village)

 

Which brings us to the hidden force in the Middle east :  Mousa Al Misnad.

The third (or second?) wife of the Emir Khalifa Al Thani of Qatar.

Who put Qatar on the world map ?  10 years ago nobody in the world knew about the existence of Qatar.  Well, I admit, some diplomats who had shown a bit too much interest in local pre pubescent boys were relocated to Doha and knew to their own detriment about the existence of Qatar (but soon found locally an ample supply of suitable house hold help)   But besides them ?  Al Jazeera was not yet beating American chains and only known in the Arab world. 

Qatar was terra incognita.  Sheicha Mousa put Qatar on the map.

 

Now :  you cant switch on BBC-World without being confronted with Qatar.  In 5 years it switched from ultra conservative to Dubai’s altar boy.  I have been told it is even discovered by the pimps of the Stan republics.

 

Qatar is building, booming and developing. It opened a window to the world.  And what is most amazing :  this silent revolution does not alienate the Qataris :  no they follow.

 

Sheicha Mousa opened Qatar to the world and she is the real force.  Since her favorite color is yellow we could call it the yellow revolution.  But then, that was something launched in Manila by a women whos motives where not so noble.

 

Mousa, Wajiha and Wafi : are not alone.  I am certain there are thousands of them whose voice we will never hear. 

The infidel brewer salutes them all.  If the ME ever wants peace and a bright future :  I hope the men will listen to you.  (and if they don’t, I am confident that you will find a way to make them listen or at least go into the direction you want them to go)

 





 

 

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29/2/2008 - Riyadh traffic survival Tips



Some expats believe that traffic is dangerous in the kingdom.  They quote stats about traffic death on Thursday evening stating that figures are worse than Friday night fever alcohol related traffic deaths in Moscow.


That’s incorrect.


There is of course the mechanism of natural selection at work. 

But Riyadh traffic just operates with a different set of traffic rules.

Once you understand these, you  will survive.

 
Option 1.
Buy a smart Mercedes, tint all windows pitch black, remove the license plate.
Finish with a sticker -Glock does it - or  -Browning is good for you-  maybe
even  -AK47, the Russian way - and you are ready.  No police in his right mind will
dream of stopping you to inquire why you raced through downtown at 180km.
 

Option 2.
Buy an old GMC truck, rent a camel and put it in the back.  If you have no time to do the
maintenance of a real camel, buy a plastic one.
You only need to memorize an anthology of personal insults and you are ready to hit the road.
You have now absolute priority, everywhere.  Stimara, insurance and drive license belongs to
the past.
 
 
Option 3.
Read the Saudi advanced traffic rules below and hope for the best.
 

Saudi Traffic regulations.
 
  1. Priority is given to the type of car.  A big expensive car has always priority over a smaller one.  A newer model over an older one.  When two similar big car meet, the car with the best license plate get priority.  I.e. a Mercedes with plate 555 has priority over an identical one with plate 3553. 
  2. Anyway, a person driving a small car with an average number is obviously a person of low social order or completely insane.  In both cases its wise to ignore him.
  3. Rule of thumb :  the shorter the plate, the more priority.
  4. Locals have always priority over expats.
  5. Pedestrians and bikes will be ignored.  They are smart enough to give absolute priority to any car.  Even if they need to jump from their bicycles in a ditch, they will do it and find it perfectly normal.  Evolution did its work and those who were not fit enough to jump died long ago.
  6. A horn is absolutely essential on a car.  Use it frequently. A car without brakes is perfectly OK as long as the horn works.  When a traffic light turns green :  horn immediately vigorously.  The cars in front of you might have blind drivers.
  7. On a roundabout the one who hesitates looses his priority.  That’s an important rule.  Show that you are an important person with a mighty harem that is serviced by you daily.  Floor the accelerator, horn and dive. 
  8. Bedus transporting camels in their GMC truck have absolute priority everywhere.  Stay well clear of them.  They have a bad temper and don’t mind a dent more in their GMC.
  9. On Thursday evening you will avoid being on the road.  Watch out for young locals indulging in driving on two wheels, drifting, skating and other insane hobbies fueled by boiling hormones and the lack of any other outlet.
  10. Its absolutely normal and accepted to park on Friday, near the mosque as you see fit.  Even blocking the road is acceptable.  Since there are mosques virtually everywhere, be prepared for obstacles.
  11. Truckdrivers are usually Indians and Pakistanis.  Although some Sikhs and Punjabis are fairly good drivers,  the vast majority of them would fail driving a semi over a straight line.  Be proactive, give them space and horn so they know you are there. 
  12. If you drive at night outside the towns :  expect donkeys and camels to sleep on the road.  A grey donkey on a black road in the dark is nearly invisible. Don’t believe the fences flanking the road will prevent donkeys from getting on the road.  They are everywhere.  (even driving)
  13. Don’t drive two hours after the first rain.  If you don’t know why :  just trust me.
  14. Be aware that the use of  blinkers is optional.  Never expect anybody to use them...Blinkers are for impotent cuckold.
  15. Dense fog is NOT a reason to reduce speed. There are exceptions and these people who do drive (extremely) slow, find it safer to do so in the third lane

 

And a last word about our Sudanese brothers.


Beware on Friday for the Toyota Cressida (model pre 1986) crammed with 6 Sudani in colorful Jellabiya.   Usually driving in the third lane at 60km per hour.  Anything short of ramming the car will fail to make them move out of your way.  Some pretend this behavior is caused by the decision of the Sudan in 1948 to switch from left hand driving to right hand driving. Its still confusing for the Sudanis and didn’t completely sink in.






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29/2/2008 - The Infidels Brewers Recipee

 

 

The only secret to make perfect alcohol at home is finding sugar.  No wonder that Saudi has an incredible high sugar consumption. 

Yes I know, Arabs put it also in nearly all their food,  but this still doesn’t explain the Kingdoms exceptional sugar consumption.

 

All materials for alcohol production can be found in your next door Panda store.   (buy Saudi – support the local economy !)

 

One will need :  Sugar, yeast, water and tomato paste. Cheap and abundantly available.

 

Here is how to proceed.

 

Visit your Panda Corner shop, buy a bag of 20kg white sugar, a few packs of tomato paste, some yeast, a 20l water container, a roll of flexible hose and a few tubes of glue.

That’s all you need.

 

Put 12 liter of water in the bottle, add roughly 4kg of sugar with 200 gram of tomato paste. 

Shake vigorously.  Add a pack of yeast. 

 

You will need the Qassim waterbottles since they are the only one to come with a screw cap. 

Cut a hole in the cap, press 1 meter of hose in it and glue it airtight.

Next : screw the cap with hose on the container and put the free end in a bucket of water.  You have just made a perfect bubble lock.

 

During roughly two weeks, the brew will produce lots of CO2 bubbling joyfully from the tube.

 


 

Once the bubbling stops :  millions of friendly bacteria have transformed the sugar into excellent ethyl alcohol.

 

Now its only a matter of separating :  water+yeast+tomatopaste from alcohol.

 

Since we want to keep it simple, we didn’t bother with expensive and hard to find wine yeast that can produce a higher alcohol percentage.  Sugar is cheap, water although more expensive than petrol is still cheap.  That’s why we use normal bakery yeast.  Instead of high quality we go for high quantity and brew a few containers.  Say one a day, during two weeks.

 

Water freezes at 0 degree, alcohol at minus 100 or so.  So we decant the 15 liter container in 4 bottles of 5 liter.  We dump these 5 bottles in our freezer, set at maximum. Say minus 20.

 

After 2 days, yes one needs patience before enjoying a drink at the pool, the bottles are frozen solid and the alcohol is trapped in the ice.  Just open the bottles, place them upside down over a container and wait for two hours.  The alcohol creeps slowly from the ice and is collected in your container.

 


 

You started with 15 liter with low alcohol content and you should have now 5 liter  Its drinkable and it works. But the taste will remind you of foul dog vomit, if at least you once enjoyed this culinary experience in your life. with a reasonable alcohol content.

 

So lets now transform this Siddiqi into tasty alcohol.

 

 

The miracle of Siddiqi turning into wodka.

 

 

In the holy land of miracles, one is not surprised to witness one of the greatest miracles :  Siddiqi turning into crystal clear wodka or sweet Pastis.  Jezus performance of turning perfectly honest and good water into wine, can be outdone without too much effort.

 

Above you could see common sugar being turned by our friendly bacteria into alcohol.  Now comes the real one :  Siddiqi becoming wodka.

 

For this we need to visit Sinnaia or the devils own place :  the industrial area.  South of Riyadh, conveniently located in the stinking smoke of Aramcos refinery, the Saudis have grouped their modern slaves.  Bangladeshi, Indians, Pakistanis, Filipinos :  every nation with an exploding population and decent amount of poverty,  supplies the kingdom with cheap labor and get in return hard cash. Why would anybody in Bangladesh bother about  birth control ?

 

The workers are caged for two years in stinking rooms, 6 or more a room, without women, booze or any form of entertainment.  The first Saudi Movie theater has yet to open.

 

Nobody is surprised to find in these labor camps a number of steam vents.

 

Hashish and Siddiqi are freely available and for a few Riyals one can taste a fine young Filipinos ass.  The situation is not unlike a jail in the US except that the American jails tend to be clean and usually come without overflowing sewage tanks.

 

The industrial area has enough sweat shops repairing 30 year old window units AC into something noisy and dirty that happens to produce also some cold.  Find one of these shops.  Some of them have master welders and all copper pipes needed to make a perfect still.

 

Download a still design from the net, tell the Lebanese shopowner or the Keralite foreman that it’s a water purifier and bargain hard.  Don’t forget to mention your hungry kids in hospital because they drank the foul tap water.  A week later, you can collect your still, dirty but hopefully with nice welds.

 

So now :  you need a boiler.  Again dirt simple.  Drive towards Dammam or Qassim and stop at the first petrol pump annex supermarket on the road.  They have lots of equipment for the Bedus who don’t want to shop far away from their camels.

 

Every shop sells these huge 15 liter jars with lockable waterproof lid.  They are for the Bedus to collect the camel milk.  Unfortunately only available in aluminium, but that will do.  I wish Bedus would get a taste of camel milk collected in stainless steel jars, but hell might freeze before these guys change their mind or habits.

 

Mount the still on the jar, connect cooling water to it, fill the jar with 10 liter of your best Siddiqi and heat up.  One can find excellent thermometers in Sacco to mount on the still.

 


 

 

Your 15 liter of Siddiqi will be turned into 3 liter of superb wodka in a few hours.

 

You can watch as the wodka start dripping out of the still.  O, sweet source of life.  Yes :  Eau de Vie, not the other even sweeter source of life !

 

So, if you have followed this sugar turned into Siddiqi into Wodka : you might wonder why we went through the stage of freezing the whole thing in the fridge.

 

Simple :  Distilling smells !  Saudis will no recognize it,  but Lebanese certainly will.  They grew up between Maronites and Orthodox  who make some of the best Araks in the world.  The arak with a hint of woodsmoke, mellow on the tongue and the palate, only to be find in remote Lebanese villages.

 

Some of these Lebanese might be holier than the pope and consider it as Gods direct instruction to keep the holy land clear of evil. 

 

They speak Arabic and could phone the friendly Mutawas or religious policemen.  These soft spoken gentlemen would not knock on your door, politely inquiring about that strange smell.  No :  they work in a subtle way.  They kick in the door, reduce all furniture to junk, punch you a few times in the face before planting the top of their boots between your third and fourth rib.  If they feel specially happy with their holy duty that day, they might even choose to turn your testicles into two balls of extreme pain. 

 

Anyway :  we should keep the distillation process as short as possible.  Hence the need to reduce the volume of your Siddiqi before distillation.

 




 

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28/2/2008 - An Infidel in The Kingdom

 


 

 

 

Moshe, Mousa, Mozes, .  The same guy in the three Abrahamic religions. 

 

He brought his people from Egypt to Palestine, leading them, during a century,  over the world richest oilfields. Only to settle them on a barren piece of wasteland.  Prophets mind work in this way.

 

So, Mousa is a very apt nickname for me.

Specially since there is not one shred of archeological or historical evidence that this guy or his exodus ever existed !

 

Let me please introduce myself.

 

I am not a man of wealth and taste,  but just an infidel master brewer, deeply under cover in The Kingdom.  Yes, that one.  Not the Kingdom of Holland but the real one :  The Kingdom of the Sauds :  Saudi Arabia.

 

In this blog you will find the best and easiest way to distill the sweetest alcohol in the Kingdom, how to brew at home an honorable Pastis or a mind blowing Datura drink.  A recipe collected straight from Middle Age Austria  where brewers used to spike their brew with hallucinogenic alkaloids.

 

You will also find my acerbic observations and comments about daily events in the Kingdom. 

 

Brewer, distiller, infidel and atheist, firm believer in evolution and the light of reason :   enough sound motives to stay deeply undercover in the Kingdom.  Once one has witnessed a Qassim shoplifter being flogged in public in front of the store where he stole a bag of rice , one understands the need to be very discreet overhere.

 

You will also find on this blog, my view of this absolutely fantastic place on earth. 

SAUDIA

A place I deeply love, rough and primitive, covered only with a thin layer of civilization varnish.  A place that reminds me of the Afghani desert,  and the no-nonsense Pathanis.  A place I imagine being very similar to Europe in 1300.

 

Enjoy.

 

Moshe

 

May the light of reason

Illuminate your mind

And free you from darkness

Of fear and superstition

 

There is no life but this life

No Gods but ourselves

No sin but to harm another

And no hell but to live without love

 

Barefoot Bree






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